If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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