Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
