and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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