Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
