is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
