so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course I have a pirate flag
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
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