the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
