$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
