How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
