I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
