Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize