woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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