bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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