its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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