I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My cat gives me a boner
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
