How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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