I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
