But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
