hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
