The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
