this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
