You can't special order awesome
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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