yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
