Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
