got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
