the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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