Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
