Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
