some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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