he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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