New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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