i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
