Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
