Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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