just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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