I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
