i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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