:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
