I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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