OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
