If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
