Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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