I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
