: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
