One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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