i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
