This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
