I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
