I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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