I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
