What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
