dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Randomize
